While having a talking with my mother, we stumbled on to the subject of single parent homes. Being that we were both raised in a single parent home we debated about the influences it had on us and children in general. I for one believe that any child with the will to succeed can do just that but my mother kindly stated that such knowledge of success had to be implanted in a child meaning to accomplish success one has to observe the procedures of becoming successful.
As our opinions were expressed and the questions began to unravel we formed the conclusion children are a reflection of their environment and what they are taught. As the depth of the conversation reach a point of ethics (morals and values) we both notice that one situation may have different meaning, value, and lessons for each person involved. Case and point, the neighborhood we lived in was filled heavily with crime. The police knew of the persistent menacing individual but assumed that any and everybody was subject to be a criminal (profiling). Even children with both parent were seen a probable criminals but the majority of those persistent criminal were from a single parent home. We thought of the reason why and probabilities of those reason occurring in a single parent home and a home with both parents.
With the research from Dr. William C. Holmes, MD, MSCE, Assistant Professor of Medicine and Epidemiology at the University of Pennsylvania, children are missing the attention from their mother and/or father which results in problems involving the psychological and emotional aspects. His finding also concluded that children from single parent homes are more likely to be sexually abused due to the lack of communication and the need of more communication. This is a spiraling chain of events that effects a child outlook on life and their ability to trust which creates a barrier between this child and the rest of the world.
According to Lori Kowaleski-Jones, assistant professor at the University of Utah, children in single parent homes have lower score in math than children with both parents. I fell that there should be a program or something to give single parents a hand because that itself is a hard job. What are you thoughts on the matter?
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This is very interesting to me. I grew up in a single parent home with only my mother. I have to agree and disagree with you on the subject. I definitly am not going to follow down the path my Mom chose to take. I saw what it did to her and I refuse to put myself, my spouse, and my children through what I went through as a child.
Going into great depth on this subject is awkward. I guess because my mother has passed away, but I will explain a little bit!! Throughout my childhood my Mom chose to take loads of prescription medication. Don't get me wrong, she was the sweetest, nicest women in the world. She would gladly give you her last sip of water with no second thought but morals were quite different in our home.
The statistics do show that children that grew up in drug-abusing homes are more likely to abuse drugs. I, however, amd proud to say that I have never taken any kind of drug. What is very interesting to me, though, is that the statistics also say that children that grow up in single parent households are more likely to be sexually abused and have lower scores on math. Unfortunately those statistics stand their ground in my case.
My plan was to find an awesome man, marry him, and live happily ever after together with our children. So far I'm reaching my goals!
I can can agree that children in single family homes could be more exposed. When its just one parent the children are often left home alone more often with no one to hold them accountable for their actions. When your the sole provider you tend to work more hours trying to stay on top. Im not faulting any parent that has to do this.
A child can be a product of their enviroment or over come it. That is per child and parenting that will make the difference. I grew up in a home with both my parents, my dad worked and I had a stay at home mom, however Im a single parent. But my hope is that my son will see my life expriences and learn from them. Even though he's young I still hate taking time away from him because I have to work full time and go to school right now. However I know that's putting us on our path to a better future.
Its really unfortunate when something happens to a child of that situation, abuse of any kind, because there is no supervision. There does need to be more publically funded after school programs or orginazations to help keep the kids in a safe enviroment. I know that there are programs for money, food, ect. with really no funding for those that may need it, but money aside our communities and churches should have more outreach programs for these children.
I would have to say that kids in single parent homes are exposed to way more than a kid with 2 parents. I live in a home with one parent now. I grew up with 2 parents and then they got separated and my brother only lives with one as well. Ever since he lost the other parent. Since then he has been exposed to several things that I was never expsoed to when i have 2 parents. He has fallen to the temptation of these things and this would not have happened I believe if both my parents still remained.
I guess you could say I come from a single parent home. My parents divorced when I was a sophomore in high school and my little sister was 11. I was really struggling emotionally at the time.. But for me I did the opposite. I threw myself into my school work because it was something to take my mind off of things. For the rest of high school I made straight A's. I guess I was trying to prove or validate myself in some way. But I can definitely see how kids from single parent homes are more likely to fall behind in school. If you're living with one parent they're probably working more than if there were two parents. They're working so hard to provide for their kids they might not be around as much to help them out with their homework. I think single parents just really have to make an extra effort with their children as hard as that is. I think my dad did a great job in encouraging us to do well in school and other areas.
As a teenager I was the statistic. I was raised by my mother. Though she tried hard to provide for my brother and me we both fell victim to being "exposed". We both dropped out of school, were molested, had social problems, and had children of our own before we were out of our teens. I don't blame my mother for these things at all.
On the other hand I know that this isn't the case with everyone. After I had my son, I gained full custody of my then 13 year old sister (my father's daughter). She was addicted to meth, had a 17 year old boyfriend, and wasn't even enrolled in school. Four years later she is a junior with a 3.8, wouldn't touch a drug, and is devoted to christianity. Now I do not take full credit for this. I have a lot of help from my mother and family. Believe me it took a lot of time and effort but she did it. Need I remind you that when I obtained custody I was a single mother at the age of 19.
She has friends that have both parents in their home that are failing school and are out of control.
Now, I am no doctor but I think your children are what you put into them. It is hard raising children. I think with enough love and support you can over come any situation that is dealt to you.
I can't really comment on what it's like to be in a single parent home, as I live with both of my parents. My parents lived with two parents each as well. I do have a childhood friend that grew up with only her father as her mother died when she was under the age of two. She has turned out quite well and is getting ready to go to an Ivy League school. The influence her dad had on her was quite remarkable. The environmental influence though can come from many places, not just the parent. She may have had positive influences from others around her like her teachers, caregivers, and other family members like her grandparents. When her dad would travel out of town, she always stayed at our house, so she was subjected to a two-parent household. This may have had an affect on her. In addition, she spent time at her grandparents, who she is very close to.
In addition to this experience, my family took in children from an orphanage on weekends and vacations. The orphanage started this so the children would have the experience of being with families. Most of these children still have a parent who has custodial rights but who won't allow them to be adopted out. I recall that these children loved to spend time with us. They went everywhere we went: shopping, to the beach and so forth. The records have shown that these children that have grown and left this particular orphanage are doing very well for themselves.
I believe influence not only comes from a parent or two parents, but all those the child comes in contact with. It only takes one person to make a positive impact on a child.
I disagree that children from single parent homes make worst decisions or are less successful than children that grew up with both parents. I grew up in a single parent home and my mom did a great job of raising me with the right values and teaching mr to be ambitious. I feel that growing up in a single family home has helped me alot. Because my father wasnt there for me it will drive me to be a good husband and a great father.
I think it ultimately comes down to support. If a child is supported and cared for, they can grow and flourish in just about any environment. As has been mentioned here, that support can come from any number of places but traditionally and maybe optimally, it should come from or at least start at home. So in that sense I think kids growing up with only the one parent start at a disadvantage, but that doesn't necessarily mean they'll be bad or any less.
This is one of those cases were you can go either way. I don't believe inthe whole statisitic thing... only because I myself don't want to become another stastictic. I have worked at the YMCA for a while now and I have seen children come and go fomr all types of home enviornments. Yes, the houshold definitly has a huge impact on the child, but children will do what the want. Children choose to rebel or make all A's because that is just what they want to do. We are all unique and can make our own path in life. You are not your parents. Of course you will disagree and fight, what child doesn't just hate the mom or dad, all because they got grounded one evening?!
Yeah, I think that the child does suffer, and generally loose something inthe end. Such as family time, or the missing parent around, or in their lives more often. But, just like anything else, it was a choice made and now both are having to live by it.
I like that you found statistics to back up both claims, but being from a single parent home myself (raised by my mother) I would like to state that I think it completely up to the child that lived within the home. My mother - like all - had her good and bad qualities. While I do not wish to go down the path that she did, I see her a lot in myself. She raised me and taught me right from wrong (her version), and how to go about doing things. I was not raised in a Christian (so to say) home, and well to really say, not religion at all. Drinking and partying at all times (as long as you get your work done) was the way of things. At saying that I would like to say that I do believe my mother to be a functioning alcoholic (thus the lack of admitting the addiction), and her actions have very well taken an effect on the way I live my life. Now, back to the "singer parent" aspect of it all, yes, I do believe that if I had two different influences in my life that I probably would have a different outlook on things (not just the alcoholism). But along with the bad, there is good. Where as (in just my opinion) I see my friends with both parents, and can tell because they didn't have that single mother or father, they didn't really have to learn the hard life lessons that I did, at a young age. While it has been a struggle, I consider my self well rounded and hard working. More so then I would have been if I had had two people to care for me. But then again this is all speculation, seeing as no one can actually tell how someone may or may not have ended up, because every little thing in life leads you down a different path.
I believe kids that live with only their mom or dad, do have more freedom. When a kid lives with both parents, usually, one of the parents stays home. And they are there to tell the child right from wrong, and to teach him/her. But, kids that live with only one parent, usually spend a lot of time in a day care of some sort. And there the child develops him or herself, more so through other children. Yes, there are supervisors there, but they only do so much. The supervisors of a day care don’t always sit down with the child and explain things to them, or teach them things like a parent does. Therefore, the child has more choice themselves to decide what is right or wrong. Surveys have proven that, teens who live with a single parent are more likely to fall behind in school and get caught up in the wrong crowd than those who live with two parents. Could this be from the teen not having someone around to teach them good morals and values? Yes, most certainly it does. People aren’t programmed to know the difference of right and wrong. We’re not born with any kind of knowledge of the outside world. We have to learn it, and that’s where parents and guardians come into play. It is their responsibility to make sure that their child is ready to take on the world with a good head on his/her shoulders when the time comes. I am not surprised with the statistics at all. Not very many kids like and enjoy doing school, and if someone isn’t there to help them through it, it might not always get done. But, things also depend on the kid too. The kid is exposed to right and wrong, and does have the choice to “play video games, or finish homework”. And the choices made will depend on that certain individual. The parent is responsible for helping and teaching the kid right from wrong, but ultimately in the end, it is the kids choice.
Many of you have had extreme "exposure." I like the choice of the word exposure.
I had the oposite problem. I wasn't sheltered by any means in our two parent home, I was ignored, forgotten, and underexposed to life. For example, my twin and I never went inside a grocery store, or a bank, we didn't even shop for our own clothes.
We were in fact left in the car while mom, dad, and brother Scott went shopping.
Our mother had raised 5 before us and was not interested.
At some point, people are stuck because of their upbringing or decide to take matters in their own hands and raise themselves.
I love the stories of folks who make a difference in someone's life.
It's nice that we're surrounded this semester with such good people.
I think that Kavion's post says it all -- His mother is a strong, positive role model and gave him a good moral background. I believe that children of single parent homes can be just as sucessful if not more if the parent that is in their lives are involved and supportive.
I grew up in a single parent home on the Westside of Detroit, one of the worse places to raise a child. All the while growing up in Detroit, I never really got a chance to get much of my Mothers attention due to her working a lot to pay for the hub house she bought and repaired. I got in trouble a lot at school. I hung out with gangs, saw my three friends and a family member murdered before my eyes, and had a bad attitude about life. However, I had maintained a 3.9 grade average since the first grade. My Mom kept me in activities outside of just school. For example Wayne State University�s Math Camp. Lori Kowaleski-Jones says children in single parent homes have lower scores in math than children with both parents. I think Lori Kowaleski-Jones needs to re-examine her findings because the Summer Math Camp program I participated in every summer from 1998 till I graduated form high school in 2005 had majority ward of the state children and single parent family children that could college level calculus. On a personal, I do not know anyone who still has both parents in their life. Yet, I turned out just fine with a scholarship to pay for school and an internship in the field of my major. So having a single parent home did not affect me to much only my inner drive and determination to make something out of myself.
I, along with my two younger brothers, grew up in a two parent home. We are all either teenagers or evolving adults by now. If anyone wanted to watch the way we each carry ourselves, they wouldn't be able to tell that we grew up in the same household. I am very skilled when it comes to math problems, very outgoing, and also very outspoken. My first brother does not want anything to do with math, looks out for himself, and is very "laid back". My youngest brother is a math genius when he wants to be, only cares for his family members, and keeps his comments from most people. We all grew up in the cities of Compton and Inglewood. We grew up around gangs and two of us became gang members. Even with all of this going on, no one has ever receive a grade lower than a B+. Being in a double parented home or not does not completely affect whether or not we come out as "poster children."
Sigmund Freud said that we are always trying to achieve pleasure and escape whatever is causing pain in our lives. If a lack of attention is the source of discomfort, whether they be from a single or double-parented home, that person is going to try and find a way of fixing that. I have learned that loneliness is the greatest disease we face; and, to avoid loneliness we tend to build relationships based off of our 5 basic needs whether it be physical, psychological, social, spiritual, or career/family related. The line between whether we become good at math and whether we become criminals is based on our experiences and how we decide to deal with it.
I grew up in a single parent home also and I am also a single parent. I don't really buy into stats when it comes to wether or not parents are the blame or influence on children. I know some people who have the great moms that were always there. A few had active fathers still ended up selling drugs and becoming criminals. At some point people need to start be accountable for there own actions. At a certain age you know wrong from right theres no my mom did thats why i did it. if thats the case i should blame my mom for me having a child out of wedlock. Blame the Parents excuse is getting old.
I grew up in a two parent household. My mother was a teacher and my father a engineering technician. I had three siblings, one is a physician assistant that graduated from Emory with honors, another is a securities manager for the Philadelphia stock exchange. The last however is a professional con artist living in Las Vegas. I don't think that living in a single or two parent home makes a difference on the choices we all choose to make. I am not discounting the struggles and sacrifices that are made in single families homes, but I don't think we can blame single families homes for everything.
I'm going to have to agree that children that grew up with on a single parent might be more unsuccessful in school, and might be depressed or whatever because of only having on parent. I myself have been that way since I was three or four, when my parents divorced. I think I was too young at the time since I can't remember the time of the divorce, but the few years after it my mom would always visit me. And they would always fight, even one fight broke out when they were putting me to bed. Anyways, I grew up with my dad. Elementary school was fine, but I never really had to do anything. Middle School was when it started, my grades plummeted then. I was unmotivated and still depressed since I missed my mom. This continued through high school, where I improved a little, but still was doing poorly in classses. I just didn't really care about doing anything. I would also just go into depressive moods for a day or more because I missed my mom so much (The last time I saw her was porbably more than 10 years ago).
I agree and disagree, I was raised in a single parent home and my mother did a great job, it was hard for her and us, but my mother made sure we had all we needed so we didnot have to look at the children with both parents and wish we had what they had. My brother and I still came out better that alot of our friends who was raised in dual parent home. I think that parents dual or single need to send time talking and listening to their children. I feel that's the reason more children so astray. Parents don't do alot of listening. I speak to young people all the time and most of them say the same thing. My parents dont listen to me.
I feel like children are more exposed to things when both parents aren't involved. I am a single mother and worry everyday at how my life as an adult will effect my children. I try as often as I can to continously talk to my kids and let them know that I am here for them if they ever need me. I think that this is one of the most important things that a single parent can do is constantly communicate with their kids. Without communication this is where kids of single homes get side tracked. I only can hope and pray everyday that my children will always make the right choices in life. I do feel like though all children from all sorts of homes make their own choices good or bad. Regardless of whom they are raised by.
The Exposure is what intrigues a child's inquisitive mind and what a child's parent will allow. A single parent only can pray that they have instilled enough in their child so that he or she may respect the rules in the absence of their parent. It is very interesting to see the effects of not having someone to split the bill. I would often wonder HOW? How did you do it? The determination fueled by the love for someone is an incredible force.
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